Quick answer
From casual to formal: Да́йте… → Мо́жно…? → Бу́дьте добры́… → Не могли́ бы вы…? All four are polite; the difference is distance.
Five levels
| Russian | Register | Literally |
|---|---|---|
| Дай / да́йте, пожа́луйста. | neutral, everyday | give, please |
| Мо́жно…? | neutral, very common | is it possible…? |
| Бу́дьте добры́… | polite, shops and offices | be so kind |
| Не могли́ бы вы…? | formal, careful | could you not…? |
| Прошу́ вас… | formal, written | I request you… |
The imperative with пожа́луйста is not rude in Russian the way a bare English imperative can be. Да́йте счёт, пожа́луйста is perfectly polite in a restaurant.
The negative question
Не могли́ бы вы…? is literally “could you not…?” and is the most deferential everyday form. The same shape gives Вы не зна́ете, где…? (do you happen to know where…) and Вы не подска́жете…? (could you tell me…). The negative makes it softer, not doubtful.
Where politeness really lives
Three things do more than any phrase. The -те ending on every imperative to a stranger. Пожа́луйста placed after the verb, not at the start. And intonation: a gentle rise rather than a flat delivery. Get those three right and even a short request lands warmly.
Пожа́луйста has two jobs
It means both “please” and “you’re welcome”. In a request it comes after the verb — Скажи́те, пожа́луйста — and as an answer to thanks it stands alone. Same word, opposite directions.
Typical mistakes
Я хочу́ счёт.
Счёт, пожа́луйста. / Мо́жно счёт?
Я хочу́ sounds like a demand in a service situation.
Дай, пожа́луйста — to a stranger
Да́йте, пожа́луйста.
The polite imperative takes -те.
Check yourself
Which is the most deferential?